Life After Mother — Making Painful Decisions Easier

By Lyn Jensen, Columnist 

“People your parents’ age, they seem to think the longer they put off making end-of-life decisions, the longer they’re going to live,” a lawyer once told me. My mother, a great procrastinator, put off making end-of-life decisions until she was no longer capable of doing so — meaning the decisions were made for her. 

I can’t say I blame her; such decisions may require painful questions and painful answers. Putting off painful decisions is simple until it’s not. The time to address what may happen — to you and your family and property — is before you’re facing a life-threatening experience, from COVID-19, dementia, cancer, or anything else.

Complicating the process are an array of legal and medical documents with confusing names. Some fulfill similar purposes but with slight variations. Decisions must navigate “Power of Attorney for Health Care” or “General Durable Power of Attorney” or “Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care” or “Power of Attorney (Disability).” Add “Do Not Resuscitate” or “Physician’s Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment” or “Living Will” or “Instructions for Health Care.” It’s understandable why someone may be reluctant to address so many very personal issues.

A “Power of Attorney” (POA) by whatever title legally authorizes another person to manage your financial affairs (including your property) or your healthcare should you become unable to do so. A POA for healthcare provides for another to make decisions regarding your healthcare and only your healthcare, for situations that may range from dementia to being on a ventilator. A different POA designates another to make decisions regarding only your finances and property. Both carry force of law and are for your protection.

In California an Advance Healthcare Directive (aka Advance Health Care Directive) combines two important legal documents involving end-of-life decisions. The first part contains a power of attorney for healthcare. The second part, “Instructions for Health Care” (title may vary slightly) is where you state your wishes for end-of-life care. It’s similar to a “Living Will.”  

My father only signed a financial POA when facing the final weeks of his life. Had he done so earlier I may have been able to stop some women from plundering his accounts and property. By the time I was legally authorized to take action it was too late.

I don’t even want to contemplate what might have happened had I not persuaded my mother to sign a healthcare POA, how much additional misery would have haunted her final weeks. She never did sign a financial POA. That made managing her finances a bigger headache, both before and after her death — and more than a year later I’m still hacking through the tangled thicket her financial affairs made.