Curtain Call no image

Published on June 26th, 2012 | by RLn Staff

0

Lincoln Made Into Just Another Action Hero

By Danny Simon

Over the weekend, a twelve year old named Charlie saw Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. It’s Monday morning, and Charlie sits imprisoned in a summer school classroom because he has to retake American History. The teacher is asleep, CNN is playing on the screen, and Charlie finds no mention of Lincoln’s simultaneous wars against slavery and vampires in his textbook. Now Charlie’s no fool. He knows that the movie was based on a book made from fact and fiction. Vampires don’t exist and before becoming president, Lincoln was a lawyer, not an axe wielding sociopath on a clandestine revenge trip. Unfortunately, Charlie will continue to believe the supposed facts that he’s read; the Civil War was fought because of President Lincoln’s moral objection to the practice of chattel slavery.

Screenwriter Seth Grahame-Smith’s translation of his novel from print to celluloid recasts Lincoln as a passionate man out to avenge the murder of his mother by a feckless vampire who is part of a cabal intent on taking over the nation. Armed with a silver plated axe, Abe dispatches the undead with alarming alacrity, if not joy, and then bloody glee supported by his mentor/vampire, Henry Sturges, and his best friend, Will Johnson, a free slave that works as part of the underground railroad. For reasons lacking explanation, vampires are still in the closet despite their decimation of tens of thousands, but the same might be said of Abe as he can’t be honest with Mary Todd about what he does at night instead of trying to squirm into her bed. The film skips much of Lincoln’s ascendancy aside from the growth of his beard. He finds his revenge, but it remains unclear if satiating that bloodlust transforms him into the president we mostly mis-remember.

Now, you’re probably thinking I’m a dick for turning a movie blog into a cultural rant and for holding Hollywood responsible for retarding our kids and sadly, most adults. And I am, as they are, because we all seem too busy texting to wonder about the effects of disfiguring  public memory in the service of expediency. It’s unlikely to change because complexity doesn’t fit on SAT flashcards. But I digress…

There are no good performances by any of the mostly b-list actors in this film. But that’s ok because they are just competent enough to service the vision of director Timur Bekmambetov and cinematographer Cabel Deschanel. Wooden and cartoonish, the film paradoxically smirks nostalgia and seems to mock itself as if it were some ridiculous and poorly executed high school play. Thematically, the film addresses slavery and vampires, but it doesn’t add much to either mythos. But if writer Smith is content with the results, he should count himself as incredibly lucky. Most writers never get the opportunity to shepherd their work to the screen.

Campy, predictable, though not entirely dull, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter succeeds in recasting the 16th American President in a new light. Unfortunately, this new illumination renders the author of the Emancipation Proclamation as just another action hero.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34x6m-ahGIo&version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0]

Tags: , , ,


About the Author



Leave a Reply

Back to Top ↑
  • Like Us On Facebook!

  • The Guide to Fine Dining

    The Guide to Fine Dining
  • Calendar

    April 2015
    S M T W T F S
    29

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: TheaterTaking Sides

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunityComplete Whale Watch with Cabrillo Marine Aquarium

    Category: EntertainmentJanis Mann & Bill Cunliffe Duo

    Category: ArtSecond Sight: New Representations in Photography

    Category: TheaterMarilyn Forever - A Full-Length Opera

    30

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: TheaterTaking Sides

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    31

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: TheaterTaking Sides

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: ArtLuminous, Transparent, Realistic Watercolor Workshop

    1

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: TheaterTaking Sides

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    2

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: TheaterTaking Sides

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: ArtFirst Thursday Artwalk

    3

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: TheaterTaking Sides

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: ArtFirst Thursday Artwalk

    Category: EntertainmentPiano Nights with Rob Klopfenstein

    Category: EntertainmentSister Spit National Tour

    Category: CommunitySister Spit National Tour

    Category: EntertainmentRequiem at Rolling Hills

    Category: EntertainmentSomething Funny at the Warner Grand

    4

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: TheaterTaking Sides

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunityBreakfast with the Easter Bunny

    Category: TheaterThe Crucifixion

    Category: EntertainmentBobby West at the Seabird Lounge

    Category: EntertainmentEwan Dobson and Guest

    Category: EntertainmentAmerican Monster Burlesque and Blues Show

    5

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    6

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    7

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: ArtLuminous, Transparent, Realistic Watercolor Workshop

    8

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: TheaterDon’t be Afraid to Pogo

    9

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: TheaterFilm Festival: ‘The Red Pony’

    Category: EntertainmentMarian Marie at the Seabird Lounge

    10

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: TheaterFilm Festival Opening Night Screenings

    Category: EntertainmentPiano Nights with Rob Klopfenstein

    Category: EntertainmentHaden Triplets at the Annex

    Category: EntertainmentJulian Coryell Trio

    Category: EntertainmentRichard Turner Group at the Seabird Lounge

    11

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: ArtMexican Mobile Consulate

    Category: ArtElks Lodge Groundbreaking

    Category: TheaterHollywood Nostalgia Tribute

    Category: EntertainmentLuca comes to the Annex

    Category: EntertainmentAzar Lawrence Featuring George Kahn

    Category: EntertainmentWhich One’s Pink

    12

    Category: ArtCan the Artists of the World be Censored?

    Category: ArtTies to Modernism

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: TheaterLAHIFF Presents DocSunday

    Category: EntertainmentSecond Sundays at Two

    Category: TheaterThe Suburban Showgirl

    Category: EntertainmentTradicíon at the Seabird Lounge

    Category: EntertainmentTribute to the Black Crowes

    13

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    14

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: ArtLuminous, Transparent, Realistic Watercolor Workshop

    15

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunityThe Quixote Festival

    Category: CommunityBirding with Wild Birds

    Category: CommunityEarl Ofari Hutchinson Gives Talk at CSUDH

    16

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunityThe Quixote Festival

    17

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunityLong Beach Grand Prix

    Category: CommunityLong Beach Grand Prix

    Category: ArtRolling Hills Homes Tour

    Category: CommunityThe Quixote Festival

    Category: CommunityRolling Hills Homes Tour

    Category: EntertainmentPiano Nights with Rob Klopfenstein

    Category: Theater‘Get On Up,’ the James Brown Story

    Category: EntertainmentJacob Szekely Trio

    Category: EntertainmentDavid Jackson at the Seabird Lounge

    Category: EntertainmentThe Sure Fire Soul Ensemble

    18

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: ArtRolling Hills Homes Tour

    Category: CommunityLong Beach Grand Prix

    Category: CommunityRolling Hills Homes Tour

    Category: ArtCelebrity Lecture Series

    Category: TheaterBye Bye Birdie

    Category: CommunityLA Local Beer and Food Fest

    Category: EntertainmentSuperhero Soundtracks

    Category: EntertainmentThom Rotella 4tet

    19

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunityAuthors Day with Lisa See

    Category: TheaterIn My Life: Tribute to the Beatles

    Category: TheaterBye Bye Birdie

    Category: TheaterThe Suburban Showgirl

    Category: EntertainmentNova Live at the Seabird Lounge

    Category: EntertainmentA Wailing of a Town

    Category: EntertainmentDavid Garfield Quintet

    Category: EntertainmentA Wailing of a Town

    20

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunityWelcome to Night Vale

    21

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: ArtLuminous, Transparent, Realistic Watercolor Workshop

    22

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    23

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunityGrand Grunion Gala

    Category: EntertainmentAndy Waddell

    24

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunityTechnology Conference

    Category: ArtFarmer’s Market

    Category: EntertainmentPiano Nights with Rob Klopfenstein

    Category: EntertainmentBrian Auger’s Oblivion Express

    Category: TheaterBye Bye Birdie

    Category: EntertainmentSouth Side Slim Blues

    25

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunityEarth Day Celebration

    Category: CommunityNature Walk

    Category: CommunityGreen Prize Festival

    Category: CommunityHandmade in South Bay's 2nd Annual Spring Boutique

    Category: CommunityRestoration Highlights Workshop

    Category: ArtHousing Development Opening

    Category: ArtRay Carofano: riverrun

    Category: TheaterBye Bye Birdie

    Category: EntertainmentNoise Fest 19

    Category: EntertainmentSpock’s Beard

    Category: EntertainmentThe Gears, The Crowd

    Category: EntertainmentAzar Lawrence at the Seabird Lounge

    26

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunityFarmer’s Market

    Category: CommunityWalk Cabrillo

    Category: ArtOpen Studios at Angels Gate

    Category: ArtQuilt Show

    Category: CommunityQuilt Show

    Category: ArtLos Angeles Artists Propose Solutions to Human Trafficking Through Art

    Category: TheaterBye Bye Birdie

    Category: EntertainmentSuburban Showgirl

    Category: ArtLA Philharmonic

    Category: EntertainmentLos Angeles Philharmonic

    Category: CommunityAbilities Night

    Category: EntertainmentOil Boom, Sir Madam, the South Hollows

    27

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    28

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: ArtLuminous, Transparent, Realistic Watercolor Workshop

    29

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunitySan Pedro Kiwanis Club

    Category: TheaterAbigail/1702

    Category: TheaterAbigail/1702

    30

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: CommunityFarmer’s Market

    Category: CommunityOpen Mic Nite

    Category: ArtPlacas: The Most Dangerous Tattoo

    Category: TheaterPlacas: The Most Dangerous Tattoo

    Category: TheaterAbigail/1702

    Category: TheaterAbigail/1702

    1

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: ArtPlacas: The Most Dangerous Tattoo

    Category: ArtBach’s Lunchtime Recital

    Category: EntertainmentPiano Nights with Rob Klopfenstein

    Category: TheaterAbigail/1702

    Category: TheaterAbigail/1702

    Category: TheaterBye Bye Birdie

    2

    Category: ArtVarnette Honeywood

    Category: ArtMOLAA Presents Fantastic Mexico

    Category: ArtJohn Elgin Woolf: Master of Hollywood Regency

    Category: ArtPlacas: The Most Dangerous Tattoo

    Category: CommunityFeria de Dominguez Adobe Brunch and Tea

    Category: CommunityFriend Fest

    Category: TheaterAbigail/1702

    Category: TheaterAbigail/1702

    Category: TheaterBye Bye Birdie

  • Take a Trip to Havana

    Take a Trip to Havana
  • Join the RLn Network

    Subscribe Today:


    Options


  • Get Home Delivery!

    Get Home Delivery!
  • Reset The Net: Protect Your Privacy

    Reset The Net: Protect Your Privacy